March 21, 2005: Came a mailing from the Prince of Platters in the Netherlands
the other day. Along with musical wisdom it contained a reprint
of a piece by Bill Moyers. In it, Moyers deplores the large
number of Christians in America who think prophesies found in the
book of Revelation will come true. He particularly bemoans those
who believe the Apocalypse is right around the corner; seeing
that belief as a denial of the hopeful future vision he espouses.
Which sounds rather like an eternal hike to perfectibility on a
road paved with good intentions and oodles of OPM. But why knock
sudden intervention by The Rock? Or characterize belief in it as
gloomy? If the four horsemen come riding riding riding the result
could be a glass half full. For instance:
1) The Housing Bubble will never deflate and property values never
decline. While it's true that future equity will go unmined,
debts run up in the name of that equity will never come due.
2) When faced with infinite space, the U.S. Department of Housing
and Urban Development (HUD) will declare the housing crisis over
and FHA mortgage fraud a thing of the past. But don't bank on it.
3) New Jersey's twisted pols & players would finally get U.S.
Attorney Christopher J. Christie off their backs. Though they
might find his replacement even more disconcerting.
4) Northeast mega developer and generous-to-a-fault political
contributor Charles Kushner would beat spending 2 years in prison
for video taping his brother-in-law with a hooker. The one
Kushner hired in hopes of blackmailing his bro out of testifying
re Kushner's illegal political contributions. Plus, Kushner's
rumored video collection of pols assuming Kama Sutra positions
with poultry would definitely be destroyed. Not so hot for
Kushner, but pols and poultry will hallelujah.
5) Mayor Joseph DeStefano of Middletown, New York won't have to
pay his parking tickets or hassle with any more lawsuits. Nor
sweat like a rookie realtor to rent out HUD bucked office space.
6) In Springfield, Massachusetts, the fetuses aka unborn babies
found buried in bottles on the grounds of a Springfield Housing
Authority apartment complex will finally meet their daddies. If
the daddies do the hot spot, babes can still wave from on high.
7) Even if the Supreme Court comes down on the wrong side of Kelo
vs. New London, Connecticut, municipal governments will never
steam roll anther nabe with eminent domain in order to pass the
shovel ready remains along to a "preferred developer" for a song.
The ditty? What Have You Done For Me Lately.
8) The last gasping blue collar neighborhood of Park South in
Albany, New York will go to a far far better place. Rather
than being turned into a giant student flop by Mayor Jerry
Jennings, the Albany Community Development Agency, the Albany
Local Development Corporation, the University Heights Crew and
oh yes-- eminent domain.
9) Legislators in both Kentucky and Ohio can stop pretending
they'll ever produce the home buying reforms everybody said were
needed after the 2002 mortgage fraud driven collapse of Peoples
Bank of Northern Kentucky. Bill Erpenbeck, the developer who
launched the frauds that collapsed the bank won't need to file
any more appeals of his long prison sentence. And John Finnan
and Marc Menne, the bank honchos who floated the developer who
launched the fraud that collapsed the bank won't see the end of
their shorter ones.
10) In Texas, KB Home will finally be rid of that aggravating
Janet Ahmad at Homeowners For Better Building (HOBB). Plus all
Texas builders will be even more protected than they already
are from consumer legal actions. Though the binding arbitration
clause in their final contract may mean they spend eternity
sucking moldy lemons.
11) There will be no more taxpayer funded uber-development on
the Jersey Gold Coast. Mayor Dave "Reform" Roberts in Hoboken
won't be able to give away the last 10 square feet of open space.
The Westside Stadium in Manhattan will never be built. And in
every post-industrial city in the USA, the word "revitalization"
will never again cross the lips of crooks surrounded by cronies.
12) Since supermarket lines will no longer exist no one will ever
get stuck staring at a cover of Cosmopolitan touting 58 Fabulous
New Ways to Do It With Poultry (paging Charles Kushner) and
featuring a hitherto comely female star transformed into that
Cosmo Girl from the bath tub scene in The Shining.
Since not everyone is an optimist, here's the half empty:
1) The people of Providence, Rhode Island won't be able to
welcome X Mayor Vincent "Buddy" Cianci back from prison with a
brass band parade. Nor will their Buddy get to clobber any more
romantic rivals with logs, threaten ex-girlfriends, hob nob with
bag men or give anyone a helping of his signature sauce.
2) X Governor John Rowland of Connecticut won't get to show
his former constituents that his new found humility isn't just
court-wear. And U.S. District Judge Peter C. Dorsey won't have
nearly enough time to explain why he gave John-Boy less slammer
time than even his plea bargainers expected.
3) In New York State, Governor George Pataki will be robbed
of his chance to explain just where he was when the massive,
federal and state funded Erie Canal revitalization project went
on the rocks of cronyism and mismanagement. While New York
gubernatorial hopeful Eliot Spitzer will never be able to tell
voters about how hard he fought to bring Erie Canal miscreants to
justice. In fact, a whole barge load of pols who signed off on
the project for a period of years will miss their chance for some
"splaining". Nor will citizens in New Jersey ever find out how
much money Jon Corzine is willing to pay for the office of
governor. Or how he plans to spin his overwhelming support from
the very same pols who helped make Jersey The Shackle Shack.
4) In Ohio, HUD won't be able to root out the corruption
and mismanagement in its programs that it's never been able to
5) On the national front, American voters will miss seeing
Godzilla rassle Megalon for the presidency. (Though some might
think missing Hillary vs. Condoleeza a half-full item.)
6) UBL will never be caught. No biggy though. The real bad is
that our eternal hike to Mid East perfectibility on a road paved
with good intentions and OPM will be aborted. Unless Dubya can
make God see WMD and grasp ODM. As in, Our Divine Mission.
Macro to Micro
Finally, if the big A comes tomorrow folks in the Capital Region
of upstate New York will never find out who killed Peter Porco.
The fate of Aaron Dare will remain as mysterious as that of
Virginia Dare. The assets of Alexander Salvagno will never be
fully discovered and Albany County Prosecutor David Soares will
never get a chance to reopen the case of cop-shot David Scaringe.
No public apologies by Albany officials re Scaringe will ever be
issued-- at least not here on earth. Amtrak's New York City to
Albany bullet train will never shoot into the 53.1 million dollar
rebuilt Rensselaer station. (The last may be moot since Amtrak
has aborted the bullet.) Proud Albanians in their beautiful homes
will never hear Governor Pataki say why-oh-why didn't I realize
Albany is as close to heaven as it gets and the Albany Times Union won't get a chance to enlighten its readers with consistent
and contextual local political coverage. Plus those in Albany who
blog against The Machine (or more accurately the part of The
Machine oiled by Mayor Jerry Jennings) but don't use their names
will never get the chance to do so. Hence, their courage will
Except of course, by the angels.
Carola Von Hoffmannstahl-Solomonoff
"Behold he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him"
"He's been gone for such a long time...now he's back and
things will be fine."
My Boyfriend's Back, The Angels, 1963
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