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Midnight in the Garden of Jim McGreevey
August 21, 2004: The following story comes courtesy of a fly on the wall in the lower reaches of the New Jersey State House in Trenton. This fly is a very ancient one, so its language may seem archaic. None the less, the fly's account seems credible, though QT warns readers that no other fly from Trenton stepped forward to substantiate. The buzz is that most are waiting to see which way the wind blows. Before beginning, a brief synopsis of recent events in the Garden State:

Last week New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey, whose administration has been awash with tales of corruption, came out of the closet and quit. Saying his gayness made him a security risk. Or something. His ex-lover and former Homeland Security appointee (Golan Cipel) was rumored to have a lawsuit charging sexual harassment in the hopper. Though McGreevey quit, he made his resignation effective come early November. Which cancels the possibility of a special election and allows his fellow Democrat, state Senate President Richard Codey of Essex County to assume office and hold it until November 2005. Naturally state Republicans object. But even some Democrats want McGreevey to hit the road sooner. Many of the latter would like to see New Jersey's U.S. Senator Jon Corzine run in a special gubernatorial election. Over the last week, the political jockeying within McGreevey's party was intense...

The Fly's Tale

Scene: A chamber deep beneath the New Jersey Statehouse. A single torch lights the room, flickering on the strained faces of the inner circle and assorted lackeys of Governor Jim McGreevey. The governor is seated on a battered throne, head in hands. Without it, his neck doth look vulnerable.

The phone rings. From behind the throne leaps State Senator Ray Lesniak of Union County. Aka Le Duc. Knocking over his stool in eagerness to answer. Hello? Anxiety and hope war in his voice. Has the varlet Golan Cipel resurfaced? Perhaps in Hudson County, as hostage in the castle of Baron Robert Menendez? Or doth he languish in the dungeon of Lord John Lynch in Middlesex? Or will Corzine the Mighty remain crusading for cash in Washington and leave Codey the Lesser unchallenged as post-Jimbo dispenser of taxpayer booty and public appointments?

None of the above. Tis His Decadence, recently convicted Lord Charles Kushner on the honker. Everyone in the room can hear that the developer is wroth. Spittle sprays from the receiver, forcing Le Duc to hold it at arms length. McGreevey's head jerks reflexively at the sound of his largest contributor's voice.

%#$@#&*%#^%$@Port Authority%&#%@^*%$Touro College*+&%$#@#Christopher J. Christie&%$#@#$%&^%$%^%$#@ saith his Lordship. Many times.

Le Duc tries to be diplomatic. Not wishing to offend the fabulously wealthy Lord Kushner-- whose collection of x rated videos is rumored to be as vast as his army of hookers and as inclusive as his campaign contributions. But Kushner hangs up before Le Duc can render any grease. Plus another matter demands Le Duc's attention. A runner from central New Jersey has arrived, bearing a scroll signed by Middlesex County Freeholder Director David Crabiel. Le Duc quickly scans it. Then does a Kushner.

@#%&^$#@#%&^$vultures&%&$#^&%#ungrateful#$%$#^%$*&^%$ Machiavellian%$^%$#%^$#&%* saith Le Duc. Many times.

Crabiel the Craven is circulating a letter amongst the Middlesex County Democratic gentry, asking them to sign on to a demand that McGreevey leave office immediately-- not in November. Requesting that Corzine the Mighty return to the Garden State to restore its honor and allow the good people of Jersey to "recover from the shock" of Governor McGreevey's revelations.

"The knave seems to have forgotten that Middlesex County is your former kingdom" fumes Le Duc to McGreevey "and that his vile name has been linked to your illustrious one in a federal investigation into influence peddling in that very same kingdom. Me thinks Lord Lynch doth pull this puppet's strings!"

McGreevey's head nods in agreement. The lackeys shake theirs in sympathy. While wondering if Corzine the Mighty is now accepting applications.

But all is not lost. Yet another runner has arrived. And this one bears glad tidings from the County of Hudson. Baron Robert Menendez has changed his mind and will not be joining the effort to joust McGreevey from the saddle! Seems a fair damsel has been discovered who may hath some dirt on the Baron. Of course no one in McGreevey's circle has any idea who outed this possible Golana Cipel and Baron Menendez saith that the matter in no way influenced his decision. He simply changed his mind. Who can presume to read the heart of royalty?

The phone rings again. Le Duc is busy rerolling the scroll from Hudson so a lackey answers. "Corzine the Mighty" she hisses with her hand over the mouthpiece. Le Duc drops the doc and grabs the receiver. "Jon!" Le Duc is oily "How goes it in DC?"

To make a longeth tale short, tis good news for McGreevey and Codey the Lesser. Corzine the Mighty has decided to remain in Washington and continue to gather ducats for Dems running for the U.S. Senate. A wearisome task but one that needth doing. Unlike Corzine the Mighty, not all candidates have enough treasure to buy political office. Le Duc is mightily relieved, since crossing swords with an up and coming crony, for the sake of a spent, but still critically placed one, would be dicey. Politics in the Kingdom of Jersey are riddled with such tangled conflicts yet wondrously, the graft flows as smoothly as the river Avon.

With a sigh of relief Le Duc turns to the Governor. Lifting McGreevey's head in his hands, he carefully places it on the governor's neck and screws it down tightly.

"Tis time to get back in the harness Jimbo" saith Le Duc "you've got the people's work to do."

Carola Von Hoffmannstahl-Solomonoff

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Copyright (c) 2004 by Carola Von Hoffmannstahl-Solomonoff. This material may be freely distributed subject to the terms and conditions set forth in the Open Publication License. This license relieves the author of any liability or implication of warranty, grants others permission to use the Content in whole or in part, and insures that the original author will be properly credited when Content is used. It also grants others permission to modify and redistribute the Content if they clearly mark what changes have been made, when they were made, and who made them. Finally, the license insures that if someone else bases a work on this Content, that the resultant work will be made available under the Open Publication License as well.


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